Love - leisure for the poor

I have a lot of things to do before Christmas but I guess everybody does. And still I’m thinking I can’t let you off to your families without an article this week. It’s a day after my birthday and actually it was much better than usually. I got a lot of best wishes and in the evening I had some friends over for a drink, and this evolved in a pretty good party. So this year, I am actually glad I turned 28. Although the past 12 months haven’t been hip for my career, they’ve been good for my relationships. So this week I will be a bit topical – I’d say “chrismassy” as I feel that probably I have things to be thankful for.

Being young and alive – the advert for your life. You’re 28! Live! Live fully! Live happily! Live forever! How shall I do that? I guess I have to work hard, earn money so that I can afford a “full” and “happy” life. I see people next to me who work their asses off but then don’t have time to spend the money they earn. I also see people who don’t work that much and have more time but then they can’t afford anything they’d love to do. And then I see people who work and also have time to spend the money – they live the life!

I have this friend, let’s call her Carrie. She works hard, gets good money, travels, does sports, hikes, skis, eats well and dresses well too (according to her). And I wonder how’s that possible? And then I realize it, she’s a Sex and the City girl (including S.J.Parker’s outfits). However, she’s only 27 and not 35 and desperate. And she’s single. Single young women that are thirty and less are happy creatures. They can spend their free time doing anything; the same free time they would normally devote to their partners and all the activities connected to them. So they work more. Then they have more money. They don’t have to do any compromises. If they decide to go to Iceland for a week, they don’t have to persuade anyone to go with them. And they date and have sex with more people than one. It might in a way sound appealing, but is it really? When I look closer, I realize that they have such a “full” and “happy” life because they are afraid to be alone. That’s why they are always out and they always do “stuff” because if they stayed in by themselves they’d realize that they can’t bear their loneliness.

I never had that much money but I was single and felt “free”. And now I’m not single anymore. I’m also poorer. But I don’t mind staying in with my partner and just do nothing. Also, I’m trying to cope with my loneliness, surrounded by books and the pressure of my studies. And then I realize that I found my freedom. Thanks to so much free time I have now (due to my unemployment and poverty ;-), I keep thinking a lot how to come to terms with myself. So this is maybe my journey to find my own meaning of freedom and accept myself for who I really am.

I thank all my friends who help me in these hard times.

Merry Fucking X-mas!